Edward Elric's 'Short' Rants

"Who did you say was small like a grain of rice and doesn't show up in your eyes?!"

"Who did you say was a super-ultra short kid?!"

"Who did you call an ultra hyper midget?!"

"Who did you call miniature size?!"

"Who did you call a shorty who's so small that he's barely visible and hard to target?!"

"Who did you call a shorty that has to be looked through a magnifying glass to actually be seen?!"

"Who are you calling a bean?!"

"Who are you calling a super midget that makes you want to step on him?!"

"Who are you calling a tiny bug that escapes the wrath of a shoe because he's so small that he fits in the grooves and can't get squashed??!"

"Oh yes, I'm so small that you can't see me amongst the grains of sand, like always--!"

"Who're you calling small enough to fit in a microhematocrit tube?!"

"Who are you calling smaller than Endolimax nana??!"

"Who're you calling so small you have to use an oil immersion lens to see him??!"

"Hey!!! Who's calling me a short little shrimp you can't even see???!?!?!!"

"Shorty??! Can a shorty do this??!! What else are you gonna call me, a half-pint, beansprout midget??!! I'm still growing you back water desert idiots!!!!

"Who are you calling a mousy little pipsqueak??!!

"Who are you calling a microscopic half-pint who didn't grow up because he doesn't drink milk??!!"

"Who are calling so small you wanna crunch like an ant??!"

"Who are you calling a pipsqueak so tiny he's the size of a pixel and a file so small he's only 1 KB??!!"

"You should stop calling me pipsqueak! It puts me in a real bad mood!!!"

"Don't call me peuni!!"

"Would you stop calling me peuni???!!"

"Who are you calling a super midget, he gets eaten by a frog and run over by an ant??!!"

"Who are you calling somebody who can't cause he's too small and can only be seen by a magnifying glass???!"

"Who are you calling a midget so small, he can fit inside of a tea cup??!"

"Yeah, I get it. Wouldn't see me since I'm so short, you couldn't distinguish me from ALL the grains of sand. VERY FUNNY!!!"

"Who you calling a pipsqueak midget who can't even go to the beach because he's so small, he'd sink into the sand and when the tide comes in he doesn't even sink or have to worry about drowning because he's so microscopic he can breathe all the oxygen atoms in the water??!!"

"Who are you calling small, you miniature-sized hag??!!"

"It's such a good thing I'm so small.... AAAA!!! NO IT'S NOT!!"

"Who are you calling small??!"

"Who are you calling so small, he's smaller than an atom??!"

"What?! You thought I'd still be a runt when I'm 18 years old??!!!"

"Don't call me small!! I'll break down your feet and stick them to your head!!"

"Who are you calling a runt so tiny he can only be seen with a magnifying glass, you jerk?!"

"Who are you calling shorty??!"

"Who are calling a dwarf??!!"

"Who are you calling a shrimp so small, he can ride on the back of a grasshopper??!"

"You calling me the genius's world record's tiniest shorty??!!"

"I'm not a SHRIMP!!!!"

"Who are you calling a pipsqueak midget who's simply delicious??"

"Who are you calling a snot-nose shorty?!!"

"Who are you calling microscopic, huh??!"

"Don't call me short!"

"Don't say pipsqueak!!"

"Who are you calling shorter than Roy Mustang's miniskirt??!"

"More short jokes, huh?! You're gonna pay for that!"

"No one calls me a pipsqueak and gets away with it! Not even a little girl!!"

"Who are you calling an ultra chibi??!"

"Who are you calling a tiny speck of dust that only be seen with a microscope?!!"

"Who are you calling someone's who's too small to even to eat a watermelon because he's the size of an ant?!?"

"Who are you calling so small, he can't even reach for the cookie jar??!"

"Who are you calling so small, he's the size of an atom?!!"

"Who are you calling a pipsqueak midget??!"

"Who are you calling so small, he's a frosted mini wheat??!"

"Who ya calling so short, he can fit in an ewok's carry-on bag?"

"Who are you calling so miniature, he gets run over by a bicycle??!

"Who are you calling shrimp so small, you couldn't hear him because he's so microscopic his vocal chords are smaller??!"

"Who are you calling a target who's too small to hit??!"

"Who are you calling a little bug who gets picked up by a sparrow and gets eaten by it?!!"

"Who are you calling a shrimp so small he never gets called on in the class because everyone else is bigger than him and when they raise their hands no one can see him because he's too small??!?"

"Who are you calling so small he can fit inside a magnitaniun nut??!"

"Who are you calling so short he can use a pineapple slice as a hula hoop??!"

"Who are you calling small enough to dive into a glass of water and not receive a head injury?!!"

"Who are you calling a flea circus performer who's so short he's two-dimensional??!"

"Who are you calling a freakishly microscopic midget who would get lost for days in the front yard of a roach hotel and would need to hitchhike for ants!?!"

"Who you calling a Molecule who's so smaller that he fits into a rain drop and then disappears once he hits the earth's surface and can only be seen by the world's greatest telescope but even then is only a speck that can barely be seen!??!?!?!!??!"

"Who are you calling an amoeba-sized-living-organism who's smaller than Mustang's Miniskirt Army?!"

"Who are you calling smaller than Roy's Mustang's paycheck!?!"

"Who are you calling a shrimp so tiny that he gets rejected for the salad bar??!"

Referee: [about Edward in an arm wrestling match] Nah, I couldn't possibly ask *this* shrimp to take on the champ...
[laughs]
Edward Elric: [enraged] I'm not a shrimp!
[leaps at the referee, but is held back by Alphonse]
Referee: Whoa, you're a pretty feisty shrimp, aren't ya? Looks like you salvaged that automail from the bottom of a scrap heap!
Winry Rockbell: [looks enraged] Alphonse. Let go of your brother.
Alphonse Elric: [nervous] Yes, ma'am.